TEN WAYS TO ANNOY KALAN

1. Everytime Kalan enters a room, announce 'the Canadian Idol is here'. Simultaneously throw confetti and rice ...And then bow graciously.
2. When running into Kalan, pull out your Trusty Magnifying Glass, quickly examine Kalan's head, and declare "Curl #46 in secter 21 is out of place." Then smile helpfully.
3. On a chance encounter with Kalan/Kalan's entourage, seek out his assistant and scold him/her for not having a hair spray bottle on hand at all times. Then demonstrate by following Kalan and spraying his hair every ten minutes with your Trusty Hair Spray Can.
4. In hopes of trying to see Kalan shirtless (or at least a little peak), 'accidentally' spill your coffee/water on him. Hey, it might work.
5. As Kalan watches in paralyzing fear, steal his violin and dangle it over a balcony- threatening to throw it over.
6. Everytime Kalan turns around (in your direction), whip out your Trusty Camera (with the flash on) and snap a barrage of pictures. After all, every moment with Kalan is a Kodak moment.
7. Post 'A Date with Kalan Porter' on ebay, listing preferences as males and females.
8. Tape Kalan's every move and claim you're documenting his life for a future reality show.
9. Subscribe Kalan to explicit magazines and claim 'I thought you liked this stuff' (and then wink).
10. When you see him, tell him expectantly, "I voted for you 376 times every Tuesday," like you expect something back. (i.e. look at him blankly and frown)