ARE YOU OBSESSED?

HUMOR WARNING: This page is just for fun, do not take any of it seriously.

1. Are you calm, relaxed? Or is your heart beating a little faster than usual? If it's the latter, read on, otherwise this site is not meant for you - kindly, move on.

2. When you look at this person, though it's just his picture, do little beads of sweat begin to run down your forehead or hands? Do little miniature people begin to dance inside your stomach, creating the feeling we all know, called 'butterflies'? Does a smile spread across your face?

3. Does the thought of the person singing, make you…oh I dunno…giddy? As in are you hopping up and down in your chair? Has it just fallen down? Are the neighbors barking about where the ruckus is coming from?

4. Every time you think of this person, do you start to get this uncontrollable urge to do who knows what? Perhaps stand in the middle of traffic in downtown and scream "I love Kalan Porter!"?

5. Would you, oh…cover yourself in nothing but photos of this person, and humiliate yourself in front of thousands of people, and declare that if there is one person who hates the one you love, say it now or forever hold their peace, and that if they do say it you will set fire to one of these pictures therefore setting your entire self on fire? Until of course they change their mind.

6. Have you created an anthem, that you say/sing (not everyone can sing, so I will not hold that against you), every morning about this person?

7. When you say your prayers every night, do you include this person in them, wishing them a wonderful night, and many more to come?

8. When this person celebrates a particular event in their life (birthdays, anniversaries) do you as well? And by this I mean, take a day off from school/work, party like the world is ending, mail a card you pour your blood, sweat in other words love into knowing there's a good chance they will never receive it and thank god at the end of the day?

9. So basically, you would do anything to be able to just meet this person (eat road kill, parade nude in a mall until the police catches up to you, etc.)?

10. You are quite the fan, if I do say so myself. You're amazing, you should give yourself a pat on the back. The things you would do, it's unbelievable. Though I must say, some of the things you have admitted to (possibly) doing are a bit…extreme. And as I do applaud you for that faithfulness you hold in Kalan Porter, I must say, it wouldn't hurt to contact a psychologist, check into your local hospital as some steps do constitute possible suicide. If you're a bit shy, you can always write to us, as I always recommend, here. We'll hold nothing against you as we do have many of the above symptoms. But hey, I'm sure we all agree, obsessions can never go too far…