CAPTION PICTURES

You know how they say pictures are worth a thousand words? It's true! Just look at any Kalan picture! So here are my words! (don't worry, most are less than a thousand)

-if you have a funny caption for a picture of Kalan, go to the bottom of this page to submit it!

A large man approaches Kalan, henceforth referred to as Billy-Bob.
Billy-Bob: Hey yo! You that Canadian Idol kid?
Kalan: Well, yes, I did win Canadian Idol two years ago, but you know, I think I'm more than that now... *slightly annoyed*
Billy-Bob: More? Right, whatever kid, I was just wonderin' if you'd sign my belly? *lifts shirt up*
Kalan: *looks nervous, takes a sip from his water bottle* Well...
Billy-Bob: YO! You drink water, yo! Haha!
Kalan: *starts getting angry* You know, maybe if you drank more water-- *very angry at this point*
Billy-Bob: *looks overwhelmed* ...jeez kid, I just wanted you to sign my... whatever kid... *starts backing away*
Kalan: YA! You better run! *takes another swig from his water bottle and laughs to himself*

*Girl Passes By*
Kalan: Damn, she's hot...


*a woman with her daughter in her hands approaches Kalan*
Woman: Kalan! Kalan! Please, could I just have a picture! Please!
Kalan: Oh sure, no problem. *looks amused*
Woman: Oh! My name's Wendy!
Kalan: Great! That's a nice name.
*long pause*
Kalan: So were you going to take the picture?
Wendy: OH! Right, yes! Here, hold Emily!
Kalan: *caught off guard* oh, sure! she's cute!
Wendy: Oh yes, and she looks perfect in your arms! Oh, if you were her daddy...
Kalan: *looks perplexed* pardon?
Wendy: Oh nothing! I mean, Paul is a great man! ...but... but you...
Kalan: ummm... were you going to take the picture?
Wendy: oh yes! right! *takes picture*
*Kalan gently passes Emily back to Wendy*
Wendy: You know, if you ever did want to be my baby's daddy...
Kalan: ...aren't you married?
Wendy: well.. I mean.. we could change that, I mean Paul is--
*at this point, Kalan's security gaurds dragged Wendy away*


*one of Kalan's fans runs up to his table for an autograph*
Fan: OMG! OMG!
Kalan: *laughs* did you want something signed?
Fan: OMG! OMG! Does that mean you'll sign anything??
Kalan: Well... it depends really...
Fan: OMG, you know your hair looks awesome like that, pulled back like that...
*fan takes another look at Kalan and passes out*
Kalan: *looks around and realizes that nobody else noticed* Umm... hey...
*Kalan looks over table at fan on the floor*
Kalan: Are you okay?
Fan: *suddenly sits up* of course I'm okay, why wouldn't I be okay?
Kalan: well, you just passed out...
Fan: *laughs sarcastically* You actually think that someone would pass out just because they're in your presence??
Kalan: well... you just did...
Fan: I'm not even a fan of yours! Man, you're dillusional!
Kalan: *looks confused and taken aback* but... you were just...
*suddenly a woman comes and grabs the fan*
Woman: sorry Kalan, she is a fan of yours! well, most of the time anyway...
Woman, whispers: she has multiple-personality disorder...
*Kalan nods, still slightly taken aback*
Woman: let's go darling... *walks fan away*


Mark (guy next to Kalan): Wow, Kalan, those markers are so fascinating. I mean you have a real gift there, eh?
Kalan *blushes*: Aww.. you're just saying that.
Mark: No really! I've never seen anyone work markers the way you are right there.
Kalan *gets excited*: Well, it's all about the colours, I mean once you get yellow and orange together, it's like chemistry. But then you put pink and green together and I mean, can you say CLASH?
Mark: Wow, I never looked at it that way!
Kalan: Ya, well, sometimes you just know these things.
*Marks looks on in awe*

Kalan: You know, Violet, sometimes when I play you. I just... God, I can't describe this feeling that I get... Something comes over me..,
Derek suddenly walks in with a hamburger half way in his mouth.
Derek: Uhh... Kalan? Who's Violet? *looks confused*
Kalan *looks scandalized*: What are you doing in here???? You can't be in here! I'm practicing! Get out!
Derek: Wow, relax! I was just going to ask you if you wanted some hamburger? *takes hamburger out of mouth and holds toward Kalan*
Kalan: GET OUT!
Derek: FINE! *looks offended and leaves*
Kalan: Sorry about that Violet, he's just jealous.

Kalan having a one-on-one with his curls:
Kalan: Okay guys, I can't take it anymore! I'm going to say this one more time and I don't want any excuses! STOP GETTING IN MY FACE!
Curls: ...
Kalan: I know you guys have been good to me, but if this happens one more time, I'm going to have to bring out the scissors!
*suddenly Derek walks in*
Derek: Dude! Wow, I'm not interrupting anything am I?
Kalan: No, nothing, just had to take care of something.
Derek: *looks suspicious* Okay then... whatever you need to do...


Don't hate me because I'm beautiful.

Kalan: Mom! Hi!
Kalan's mom: Oh hi Kalan!
Kalan: So what's up mom?
Mom: Oh Kalan, I was just at the mall! And I saw these amazing flip-flops!
Kalan: OMG! WHAT COLOUR???
Mom: Oh Kalan, they're a beautiful blue!
Kalan: OMG! Then they'll bring out my eyes!
Mom: What? Oh, oh no. They're not for you dear, I was looking for a birthday present for your cousin Sherry. You know how her birthday's coming up right?
Mom: Kalan... Kalan? Are you still there?

(setting: a Raptors game where Kalan has just performed the national anthem)
Kalan: Do I have to stay and watch the game? Is that like a requirement?
Camera guy: Umm.. It is expected of you Kalan... *looks tense*
Kalan: *starts hallucinating* I can't do this man! I can't just watch a basketball game, you know what I mean?
Camera guy: *slowly steps away from Kalan and then breaks into a run*

(setting: a charity event)
Farley: Tell me the truth Kalan! Did you or did you not take that man's cookie?
Kalan: I...I...
Farley: THE TRUTH!
Kalan: I took it okay? I took it! I don't know what got into me, you know? It was like I was posessed or something...
Farlry: WHAT KIND OF AN IDOL STEALS COOKIES???
Kalan: I know, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, okay?

(setting: the Loreal room on the set of Canadian Idol)
Loreal Girl (known from this point on as Cindy): That's it Kalan! Now just smooth it in a little and your hair will look even more beautiful!
Kalan: *very eager* Like that? Am I doing it right?
Cindy: Yes! That's it Kalan! Now you've got it! *pauses* You look very nice Kalan...
Kalan: *looks up at Cindy* Well.. of course I do. That was an odd statement. *turns back to the mirror puzzled*
Cindy: *touches Kalan's arm* Oh, well, I didn't mean that you don't always look nice... Because you do.
Kalan thinks to self: OMG! Is she touching me?? OMG!
Cindy: There isn't a problem, is there? *slowly wraps arm around Kalan*
Kalan: *looks very flustered* Ummm... its just that... ummm... I promised to meet Bob later, so.. so BYE! *runs off*
Cindy: He's so cute. *giggles*

(setting: Kalan alone in the Idol sitting room)
Camera Guy (a.k.a. Bob): *approaches Kalan slowly* Kalan... everything alright?
Kalan: no response
Bob: Kalan, this isn't... this isn't about yesterday is it?
Kalan: *turns away from Bob*
Bob: Look, it wasn't my fault, okay? Ben started getting suspicious! And you know how Ben is!If he found out, he would have gone straight to the guys up there--the guys running everything.
Kalan: *gets up and looks at Bob angrily* If you were really voting for me like you tell me everyday and really wanted me to be the new Canadian Idol, you would have done it no matter what! *starts to leave the room*
Bob: Ya? Well, what about me?? HUH? What about me? You wouldn't care if I got fired! Some future Canadian Idol!
Kalan: *stops dead in his tracks*
Bob: Forget it. Obviously this relationship doesn't mean as much to you as it did to me. *walks out of room*
Kalan: *moves to stop Bob from leaving, but then thinks better of it*

(setting: Vicki Gabereau talk show)
Kalan:...and then, then he just took my last fry!
Vicki: So Kalan, why don't you tell us how it felt when, when...
Kalan: JACOB!
Vicki: Right, when Jacob took your last fry. How did that feel?
Kalan: Do you have any idea what the last fry symbolizes?
Vicki: ummm... well...
Kalan: It symbolizes hope! Courage! Freedom! *looks satanical at this point*
Vicki: and Jacob took that from you? *looks shocked*
Kalan: and he just ate it. JUST LIKE THAT! MY LAST FRY!
Vicki: Do you know why Jacob might have taken your last fry?
Kalan: well isn't it obvious? I'M THE CANADIAN IDOL! And he's just... well just a runner-up! He's jealous! I can't understand the nerve of some people! I mean--
--> At this point we can't really tell you what Kalan said because he was abruptly cut off by a Mcdonald's commercial

(setting: Kalan on MuchOnDemand)
Matte (Much VJ): so Kalan, I know the question that everyone wants answered is this: "What is your favourite animal?"
Kalan: *gets excited* OH! It's--
Matte: Now, Kalan, look into the camera and tell everyone!
Kalan: *peers into camera with a huge smile* It's well... bunny rabbits. *giggles* I used to have one, his name was Polly. Polly was a real go-getter! He always used to take Dad's food!
Matte: umm.. might I ask where Polly is now?
Kalan: *giggles again* I can't tell you that... *smiles mischieviously*
Matte: *looks concerned* OKAY! Time for a commercial break! And when we get back, more with Kalan! *slowly moves away from Kalan*

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