K: Umm...to be honest with you, I don't know! (We both laugh for several minutes until it becomes awkward and uncomfortable) (Kalan chews his lips to death)

S: So Kalan, you are living The Canadian Dream! How does it feel?

K: Um well, it's great, really. I just wanted to always play music and do what I love. Being on TV, selling albums, signing autographs and going to concerts is the part that I didn't expect.

S: But I thought you were studying commerce in school?

K: Oh yeah. Well, I needed a back up, you know how it is. Sometimes things don't work out.

S: So doesn't that mean you might have ended up not doing music for the rest of your life? Doesn't that mean you wanted to be rich and famous?

K: Um. No actually. (Kalan's eyebrows twist in confusion, maybe he doesn't understand the question...I bite my lip) I didn't ever plan on being rich and famous. I'm not shallow, if you know what I mean. I would have always been doing music, just maybe not professionally: that's what I meant.

S: I see. Liar (I mutter this under my breath).

K: Excuse me?

S: Nothing! (I blush, but I'm not really that embarrassed to be honest, I gotta provoke him to get the good stuff)

K: (asks gently as if it's ok) Did you call me a liar? (He's sooo polite!)

S: Well...yes I did! I mean who doesn't want to be rich and famous? I mean, look at you!

K: Um, ok. Well, yeah I'm a little materialistic at times (very nervous laugh), but aren't we all? I like splurging, I like clothes, shoes, cars, whatever. But if I didn't have this tomorrow, it would all be ok. I'd be fine. I would get more time with my family.

S: (I couldn't help noticing the frown on the guard's faces) Yeah ok. But doesn't that mean you don't want to be rich and famous and all this? (I gesture to the very expensive, lush hotel room we're sitting in) You want to be at home? You don't care?

K: Now wait. That's not what I said. Of course I want to be with my family, I miss them. But I do care! Of course I do! I have a responsibility now. I love what I'm doing!

Stupid Security Guard: I would appreciate it if you would calm down with your questions, mam.

K: It's ok, trust me, she's harmless. (Kalan smiles and eyes my wine glass, making me a very pissed off interviewer)

S: Harmless?

K: Pardon me? (Kalan drinks from his water bottle: Nestle–write it down, fans!)

S: Harmless? You think I'm harmless? You should see me in bed! (I'm getting mad and flustered)

Cameraman: Um, Sadaf, there are kids who are going to watch this.

S: Yeah! I know (I forgot actually)...um, I meant, how I sleep...alone...at night...in bed. (Cough)

K: (biting lip, blushing from my embarrassment, what a cutie!) Ahem.

S: Yes - sorry about that! (I whisper) That is what I meant by the way. Um, ok, (clear throat), so how are your relations with Theresa and Jacob? Oh and by the way, how do you spell Theresa? With an ‘h' or not? (I'm focusing on my clipboard)

K: Uhh...I don't know actually. Does it matter? (I look up, smile and shake my head) Ok, then. Um, yeah well not really. I mean I spoke to Theresa a little while ago -

S: So you are on speaking terms then?

K: Um, well, we were doing a show together, and so -

S: You're on tour with Theresa Sokyrka? How come I didn't get a memo? How do I not know this! (I start pulling my hair at this point. I get pretty panicked!)

K: No! Calm down please! No, it was totally unexpected actually, at an open mic sort of thing at a café sort of place.

S: (I smirk) Kind of? Sort of? Sounds like a hot date to me! (I scribble furiously in my notepad)

K: What? How did you come up with that?

Not So Bad Security Guard: Well, you did give a nervous answer, man. (Whispers to Kalan)

K: (shudders) No, we are absolutely NOT going out! Theresa has a boyfriend anyway.

S: So basically you're dating her and she's cheating on her BF?

K: NO! Ahem. (Straightens jacket) That is so not what I meant. I am in no way affiliated with Theresa right now; how's that?

S: Unacceptable. (I peer at him over the rims of my glasses - yes, I do wear glasses, thank you for asking)

K: Excuse me? What's wrong now? (Chews lips)

S: You said ‘Theresa has a boyfriend anyway'. What does that mean? Well, I can answer. Basically, you would date her and have contact with her, but it's no use because she's dating someone else. Period.

K: (open-mouthed, and staring at me wide-eyed as his guards smirk and the cameraman holds in a laugh - oh how I love Kalan's look of admiration towards me)

S: Speaking of Jacob Hoggard -

K: Who was speaking of Jacob? (Incredulous)

S: (I look around) No one. I just needed some segway onto the subject of Jacob Hoggard. Are you in contact with Jacob Hoggard at the moment? And how do you escape the paparazzi?

K: (still wide eyed and open mouthed...after a minute, sighs) One question at a time, ok? (I smile, encouragingly) The last time I saw Jacob was at the Junos. (Chews lips)

S: I see. And rumours say you did not stay for his performance with uh...Hedley, is it? Do you enjoy their music?

K: Yes, yeah, there music is ok. And I was in a hurry so I had to leave early, that's all. I didn't know I was gonna miss the performance! What is it with these questions?!

S: I have been told to hit you with hard-hitting questions. Do you want water? Apple juice? (I hold my glass at Kalan's nose who jumps back in disgust leaving me quite pissed off)

K: That's wine! Not apple juice!

S: So you drink. You're an alcoholic, aren't you? I noticed with those twitches of the eye, lip fondling and discomfort. How long has this been going on? Would you like the local number for Alcoholics Anonymous? I won't tell anyone. (I wink into the camera)

K: (chews lips) What twitches? ‘Fondling' my lips is force of habit: everyone has habits! And I'm uncomfortable because of your stupid questions or should I say this interrogation!

S: Your love life sucks, doesn't it? Well, with the AA number I'll give you mine, don't worry. (I wink and pucker up my lips)

K: (sighs loudly) Oh my god!

S: So you're still friends with Jacob Hoggard, then?

K: Stop saying Jacob Hoggard every single time you say his name. You can just say Jacob, I think I'll understand who you're talking about.

S: Can I say Jake? Jay? Coby?

K: Coby? What?! What's wrong with you?

S: You're on first name basis with him, eh? You know you can tell me if the both of you are dating, I'll-

K: What?! We are NOT DATING! I AM NOT DATING JACOB FOR GOD SAKES! (Stands up)

S: Ahem. I would appreciate it if you took your seat Kalan.

Security Gaurd: Yes, Kalan. (Kalan turns to him, betrayed, noticing the amused look on the guard's face)

S: (I whisper) Can you at least tell me if he calls you Kay-Kay?

K: (bites lip, blushes and I nod) No! No, he doesn't! (Groans)

S: I note your anger. Does this mean you oppose same-sex marriage?

K: NO! NOOOOOO! (Stands up and holds his face in his hands, accidentally kicking over his water bottle and I scramble to pick it up) What are you doing?!

S: (I snort) I'm gonna sell it on Obsessed or Ebay. Now. How are you handling the paparazzi? I've never seen a picture of you in the paper. Why is that? Why are you so reclusive? Do you hide in your apartment? Why? Who are you hiding from? Kalan! Mr. Porter, please!

K: What the hell is your problem?! ...Look, I'm sorry. But I have to go! I can't do this anymore. I wanna go!

S: Wait! You said ‘hell'! You said ‘hell'! Kalan Porter said ‘hell'! What do I tell the little ones? Wait! (Surprisingly, everyone stops, so I take my chance and run over to Kalan and yank his curls hard) They're so soft! I wanna do it again!

K: (screaming in agony as I yank his curls) NO! Get her off me Basil! Please! I didn't do anything to you! Please! (Turns to cameraman) Turn that off! Now! You can't let people see this! She's crazy, she'll scare everyone! Get her help!

S: I know you're playing hard-to-get! Email me at contactobsessed@gmail.com! Ok? My personal phone number is (416) 555-5555! Easy to remember! I'll be waiting by the phone! Make sure Coby doesn't know, I'm sure you don't want him knowing about us darling! (I wink, but I don't think he noticed)