TEN WAYS TO WORSHIP KALAN

1. Everytime Kalan enters a room, kneel down at his feet, head down, refusing to get up until he tells you to.
2. Whenever Kalan says something, immediately agree with him, whether you hear/understand what he says or not.
3. Everytime Kalan sighs, ask him if he needs anything: a glass of water, a pillow, a backrub, a foot massage?
4. Learn all of the recipes to Kalan's favourite foods so that you can cook them anytime he feels down or in case there's need for a celebration.
5. Everytime you yourself have a bad day or someone puts you down, keep repeating the following words to yourself: "Kalan Porter is a handsome, confident, intelligent, talented young man. Kalan Porter is a handsome, confident, intelligent, talented young man."
6. When Kalan's not looking, cut off a lock of his hair and then wear it in a pouch around your neck everyday. If you want to step it up a little, wear a vial of his blood around your neck (we'll let you figure out how to get the blood, be creative).
7. If Kalan feels tired, but he has somewhere to go, offer to carry him.
8. Keep pictures of Kalan at different ages in your wallet/purse and offer to show them to anyone who bothers to speak to you.
9. March in front of Parliament Hill promoting Kalan for Prime Minister, then start a "Vote For Kalan" campaign whether he gets on the ballot sheet or not.
10. Anytime Kalan enjoys a little bit of success, inform him that you knew it would happen from the very beginning and then proceed to tell everyone in the room "my little boy is growing up" and give a little sniffle for dramatic effect.